Wednesday, December 1, 2010
I think it's important to have a diagnosis and treatment plan ready before I go to the doctor's office. I like to save the boy time. So I did my research and decided that my sinusy cooties of the last few months are actually adannoyism.
"So how long has this been going on?" asked Dougie
"A few months," I whined. Offensive adenoids make ones voice whiny.
"So why didn't you come in sooner? He had to repeat it because my adannoyism affects my hearing.
"I'm already putting your kids through college, I didn't think I should send you to
Aspen for the holidays, too. Besides, I don't have an infection or anything."
"And why do you think that?" The youngster asked his questions between shining lights in my ears, mouth, and nose. What a way to make a living!
"I haven't had a fever and there isn't gross stuff coming out of my nose. Well, stuff. But you know, it's not that highlighter-yellow stuff."
"You do have a fever (100.4) and there's stuff in there. Believe me."
"Hmmm. Well, why do I only have one tonsil?"
"You have two. It's just that one of them is really big and the other one isn't."
I didn't have an out loud answer for that, but in my head I said, "Well, oooh la la, Mr. fancy pants medical doctor with your fancy instruments and fresh batteries."
It's not my fault my diagnosis was off. I realized when I got home with my steroids and antibiotics that my thermometer is stuck on 97.6. And I really don't like to study the stuff that comes out of my nose. It's just not one of my hobbies.
So I slept from about 2:30 to 7:46 this evening and now of course, I'm eating the contents of the refrigerator and cursing the invention of steroids and adenoids and hemorrhoids, and all things that end in oid, while I'm at it.
And if I had Dougie's home number I think I'd call him just to wake him up.