Sunday, October 17, 2010

Casting Pearls Before Beavers

June Cleaver, mother of the Beav, died yesterday at the age of 94.  Mrs. Cleaver collapsed suddenly while feather dusting windowsills wearing  a royal blue and white dress with gathered waist, fitted bodice and three quarter sleeves.  Her white patent leather pumps matched her half inch belt.  Her always-appropriate pearls and perfectly coiffed hair did not hit the immaculate carpet before she was instantly transformed into the Queen of the Light Beings.

Pope Hoss Cartwright of the Church of  Channel 7, has reportedly begun canonization procedures and will name June Cleaver Patron Saint of Psychoanalysts in the Rite of Guilt and Windex later this month.

"She taught the free world a thing or two about class," stated an obviously distraught Eddie Haskell.  "She was never too hard on the Beaver unless he had it comin'."

"Nobody, I mean nobody could make a meat loaf like June Cleaver," stated Bud Anderson, a neighbor.  "My dad even says so, and he knows best."

The passing and ultimate transformation of June Cleaver into the Queen of Light Beings will leave a void in the lives of millions who, because of her most excellent role modelling, have spent decades blaming their own less than perfect mothers.  We will try to take consolation in the knowledge that the Land of Light Beings will be dust-free for eternity

Husband of 75 years, Ward, was heard to ask, "Who in the Hell is going to do the dishes tonight?"


  1. This is so great. You can take the tv's shows on now and get rid of them and bring back the shows we grew up on. Classics, true classics.

  2. If Ward would go check out the freezer (which he most likely doesn't even know exists),he would find many casseroles all stacked up for future dinners. That June was an amazing woman - pearls and all. R.I.P. Mrs. Cleaver. You are also a very CLEVER woman, Fay. n

  3. Madam Cleaver was clever, but you are cleverer.

  4. Your writing is brilliantly clever - always gives me chuckles. Thanks!