- Thong underwear. Seriously! Why even bother? I have never felt the need to floss my butt and I don't think other people should, either. Which reminds me of no. 4.
- Underwire bras. The inventor of this modern torture device was a sadistic, pure evil, misogynistic, testosterone-laden psychopath. And I don't like him very much.
- Gym parking lots. If people would walk to the gym, they wouldn't have to go in.
- Spandex "work out" clothes. If you've ever partaken of no. 5, you know the kind I'm talking about. This is just wrong as well as superfluous if one has body paint.
- Twinkies. I didn't taste one of these modern marvels until I was a married woman. I immediately spit it out. They are poison and don't even taste good.
- Light beer. If you're going to drink beer, drink beer. Don't pretend that it's diet beer. It isn't diet and it isn't beer. I'm from Wisconsin and I know.
- Chewing gum. Who decided that what we really need is something that makes humans look like cows chewing cud? Why was that ever a good idea? And in what Universe did people decide it was ok to chew gum in a professional setting, at a wedding or funeral, or anywhere I can see them?