Friday, September 3, 2010

Graduating from Fifth Grade

Fifth Grade Fay
There are lots of scary things in this world. But nothing Stephen King can come up with can match a fifth grade girl.

Not my daughter, you understand. My daughter was the exception that makes the rule. That goes without saying. But there was a little Satanette in her class who made my angel's life miserable for no good reason. The Evil One demanded that my angel give her a hamster for her birthday. . . . or else.

The or else turned out to be turning Satanette wannabes against my angel. They made fun of her perfectly darling yellow polka dot outfit and her huge black hair bow and her precious bottle bottom eyeglasses. They were only jealous, of course, but it's hard to believe that when you're surrounded by the pure evil that is fifth grade.

A horrible herd of eleven year olds from hell can ignore you until icicles hang from your ears or they can burn you up with flaming words. They can twist and crunch and down right make up things about you and before you can say cheerleading tryouts you'll start believing there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

Luckily for the perpetuation of humankind, fifth grade doesn't go on for ever. Well, not for most of us anyway. And we grow out of wanting to ruin the lives of people whose mother's won't allow them to buy us hamsters. We move on.
We become much more sophisticated, more grown up. Which is to say we don't need to bully or gang up on people any more. Unfortunately, it seems that many people don't need to do it any less, either. I think a little bit of fifth grade girl remains in everyone. Some people retain an extra portion, it seems, even when they become adult professionals.

Now I've never been one to advocate growing up all that much. I don't see much future in it. But I think getting rid of the fifth grade evil in ourselves is a worthy goal.


  1. Our lives are formed well within our youth my dear, and the company we keep shapes us far more than we realise. I understand this post and perhaps even appreciate it more than most. We are distant kindred spirits that have healed, but still retain the odd emotional scar. Tonight, I shall cook in your honour.

  2. I too think of this as my granddaughters are in 3rd and 4th grade now. but grandma will just have to kick butt if someone messes with my girls!!.. It is all part of growing up and building character isn't it?

  3. Yes, I think when grandmas kick butt it builds character!