Saturday, June 5, 2010


Yesterday I had an email conversation with my supervisor who was two doors away. 

"I have been informed that you are not wearing a bra today.  If staff notice, clients will notice.  I need you to go  home and put one on."

"Actually, I have one on.  Please tell whomever that I'm sorry my breasts are offensive."

"I'm sorry.  If I hear any more complaints I'll tell them they are mistaken."

Later I flashed a bit embarrassed supervisor a bit of bra strap.  She said she thought someone must have been looking too hard.  I want to be clear that I don't blame my supervisor.  Someone put her in a silly situation when I'm sure she had more important things to do.

Very often I don't wear a bra.  I just hate them.  Who came up with the idea that women must corral, cage, bind their breasts?  What is this breast obsession?  Usually, I figure if someone is offended by the sight of my possibly cage-free breast though a shirt they should just look elsewhere.  It's really not my problem that they have nothing better to think about and unless they have an appointment, I can't treat their neurosis.

Grown men call them boobies, pink-nosed puppies, headlights, racks, knockers, melons, titties.  Adults actually giggle about a little jiggle.  Careers are made and broken over breasts.  I don't get it.  Television shows critique famous women on the appearance of their breasts in bikinis.  Movies are deemed unfit for young people to see if a breast is flashed and so surgically enhanced breasts are flashed in movies to make them seem  "adult."

AND I'm told to go home and put on a bra.

I fed two babies and donated a lot of milk for babies who needed it and I was never ashamed or hesitant to do so. However, I've known lots of people who hide when they nurse their babies.  But heck, everyone feels perfectly ok about sticking an artificial breast holding artificial milk in a baby's mouth in public.  Huh?  Tell me that makes sense.

They are just breasts, for crying in a bucket.  It is very unlikely that they are going to sneak up and bite someone.  They aren't venomous.  They don't make funny faces to make people laugh and they can't hypnotize.  They aren't satanic or evil in any way. They are breasts.  More than likely you've got a couple, I've got a couple. 

I also have elbows.  I brazenly expose them in public.  Sometimes I gently poke people with them in an ever so suggestive manner.  Don't you think they're cute?  I don't wear elbow pads.  I'm a naughty, naughty girl!

Melons are fruit, headlights are on cars, knockers are for doors and if you giggle about breasts you are a boob.


  1. When I read the title of this post on my blog, I nearly broke my neck getting over here. But am I a breast fixationist? Nah. Nope. No way.

    Okay, way. Blamer that I am, I choose to blame my Catholic upbringing: What adolescent boy doesn't crave something that is verboten? Unfortunately, men never leave adolescence behind.

    Seriously, though, you are absolutely correct. Too much emphasis is put on breasts, either for or against. I didn't marry Martha for her chest, but rather for her gray matter.

    The real sickness to me are the mothers who are allowing their fourteen-year-old daughters to have breast augmentation. They ought to use helium so the girls just float away along with their augmented "mothers."

  2. I was going to say that Martha is a lucky woman. But that's sort of implying that little ol' Martha was just sitting there sort of hoping a decent man might choose her! Yuck! I'm sure she chose for herself, and did it wisely.
    As for girls (or women) getting augmentation (not talking reconstruction, here) I can't imagine that anyone would undergo pain, expense, and screw up their bodies for that. But hey, I wear makeup, so perhaps I'm a hypocrit.

  3. Any kind of elective plastic surgery is narcissisism to the max. Wearing a little eyeshadow or face powder is a whole different thing to my mind. Makeup is easily removed, and I'm sure there are plenty of times you don't wear it—like to Walmart or while gardening.

    I would worry, however, if you wore so much that you look like a hooker.

    (I haven't forgotten our email in progress.)

  4. I am not qualified to comment on your post. :)

  5. Cortico. . Oh, crap! We're supposed to be qualified to comment. I'm in deep trouble.

    Charlie, I don't do Wal-Mart, but if I did I go sans bra and makeup. My gardens are totally accepting of however I look, as long as I bring them water and compost. Sensible, aren't they?

  6. What do breasts and train sets have in common? Both are designed for children but fathers like to play with them

    Ba-dum tish!

    The old ones are the best...

  7. Kim,
    Old jokes or old breasts?

  8. Agree.......Its much ado about nothing ....
    M a catholic in Mumbai!!
    my friends litreally gasp and look at me like Im crazy for even thinking of not wearing a bra in public !
    It is considered offensive here too and I just hate it!
    have never mustered the courage to venture beyond my neighbourhood without my bra!:(

  9. Set your girls free, Anez! They'll thank you for it!