Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Torn Between the Things That I Should Do

I went to work yesterday feeling less than energetic - a little nauseated and a weird ache in my neck, but I knew it was going to be really busy. You know how it is between the holidays. Lots of people take vacation days and there is a skeleton staff left to handle things.

This morning I felt the way I did yesterday squared. I thought about the five clients I had scheduled after the morning meeting, and I thought about my co-workers who would have to handle any emergencies that came up without any help from me.

I took my temperature. One tiny little degree over normal. That's not really a fever, is it?

I really dislike it when anyone comes to my office with bugs. Bugs like me and I don't fight back very well. This is something about me that I don't really like. I very much dislike feeling puny. I imagine that people think I'm weak. sometimes I think that about me, too.

Actually, it's just my immune system and some of my muscles that are weak. I've learned that the best and fastest way for me to get over an illness is to sleep it off and I've learned that little bugs can turn into big bug-a-boos if I ignore them. Knowing that about my body is a strength.

That's right, huh? (Now's when you jump in and reassure me.)

So the internal debate continues even after I've called in. Did I do the right thing? Could I have done right by my clients and co-workers if I had gone in or would I have shared germs, worn myself down and given them far less than their money's worth?

Well, one thing is certain. All this arguing with myself has given me a headache.

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