I was talking to my 87 year old mother yesterday. She said she couldn't believe that I'll soon be 55. Me either, I guess. It's surprising. Although I really don't know what the heck being 55 is supposed to feel like. All I know is how I feel and I'm fixin' to tell you.
There are some physical changes that happened with age. My knees sound like amplified Rice Crispies. I'm softer than I used to be. Gravity has changed my shape some, too. My neck has a funky sort of texture, sort of like stretched crepe paper. Sometimes I get a rush of heat and my face turns red and I start to sweat, even though it's not hot in the room. My hair (on my head) when not colored, is half white and half black, I have about three hairs on my legs, none on my arms and most of my once heavy black eyebrows are gone.
There are mental changes, too. I have forgotten a lot of stuff I used to know, but I've learned a lot more stuff than I've forgotten. I've also remembered some things that I didn't remember when I was in my 20s and 30s. I've remembered important details of childhood, friendship, and family that I didn't have time to remember when I was a young adult.
Relationships have certainly changed. Friends and family members have died. The makeup of family has changed with marriage, births, divorces. People have moved. Nothing stays the same except the important stuff.
Emotional changes are possibly the most noticeable to me. I am happy. It's not a happy that's the result of anything that I have or any event that has happened to me. It's a kind of happy that comes with recognizing my connection to the Universe. Another emotional change is that I no longer give a poop if that sounds weird to you. I love you anyway.
I no longer care if the clothes I wear are in style or hip because if I'm comfortable in them, I feel groovy. I no longer feel compelled to suck in my tummy, which is convenient since it's not that suck-in-able. If I don't know what someones talking about, I ask, unconcerned about appearing silly. I know I'm silly and I know I'm smart. I don't feel compelled to prove it.
I have decided that there aren't very many things that are really important to me. Relationships are important. Our relationship with the rest of the planet is important. Joy and peace are important. Things aren't important. Money comes and it goes.
I realize that I love everyone I've ever loved, though I may love them from a distance or silently or across time. And I love them regardless of how they feel about me. How other people feel about me is really none of my business unless they care to share it.
Being softer and having audible joints aren't bad things. They are just different. Sure it would be great to have the health of a young person, but I wouldn't trade my years for it. I have no wish to appear younger than I am. I'm much cooler than I used to be. I achieve things every day that I wouldn't be able to do if I were younger. So roll on, 55! I think it's going to be a very groovy year!