Who's Winning this Race?

As I've discussed before, I don't understand what race means.  How do we decide what our race is.  Do we go by color alone? Because basically all the people I've seen are on a continuum of the brown family.  Somewhere between ecru to dark mahogany.
Is President Obama Black or White? Well, he's brown, too.

 I don't think African American is a very accurate descriptor either for most dark brown people in the US.  The term African American makes sense to me if someone moves here from Africa and becomes a citizen.  Actually, it would make more sense in that case to say Kenyan-American or Tanzanian-American.  What if an ecru person moves here from South Africa and becomes a citizen.  Is he then an African-American, Caucasian, Aryan?  My ex could be called New Zealand American or an Australian American because he came from Downunder and became a US citizen.  My current husband is a Canadian, not a Canadian American because he is not a US citizen. But they are both usually just considered White.

An old beau of mine is considered African-American, but he nor his parents have ever even been to Africa, and due to some relatives somewhere along the line, he has medium brown skin and gorgeous green eyes.  He hasn't traced his family tree back to Africa.  I haven't either, though if anthropologists are correct, we all technically could.  I guess the consensus now is that humans started somewhere in Africa, so that would make us all African-Americans, eh?

No one refers to me as Scots/German American.  Takes too long to say.  They do call me White.  In fact, they call me very white since I don't tan at all.  But I'm actually light tan. Sometimes bright pink.

Of course, it's illegal in the US - and it should be - to discriminate on the basis of race.  Yet one of the first things asked on any government form is race.  I usually mark "other." Who can claim just one race? Who even knows what all the choices are? There are some neonazis who claim to be pure, but I reckon if one dug  deeply enough, they'd find some great, great uncle who wasn't completely Aryan and probably couldn't define Aryan.

 Some show on the History Channel explained that though the Nazis had a very clear definition of how Jewish someone could be - I think it was at least one great, great grandparent of 16 could be Jewish and one would be considered a Jew, but don't hold me to that - Hitler himself probably was a Jew by that definition.  Or at least he had to doctor his heritage to pass for "pure Aryan." 

Certainly in the US we see every conceivable shade along that ecru - mahogany continuum.  In Sunday School I sang a song about "Red and yellow, black and white, we are precious in His sight. . . "  People aren't red, yellow, black, or white. We are all colored.  We are brown.

I have a friend I sometimes call Negro.  Once someone overheard me and thought I was very, very wrong.  She can call me Caucasian, I don't care.  It would make more sense to call me Fay.  She could call me woman, human, tree-hugger, old hippy - all of those things would be partially descriptive of me, as is Caucasian.  It would make more sense for me to call Tiffani woman, mother of my would-be grand babies, professional, nursing student. . . . but hey, I don't always make sense.

When I am filling out a form about someone, I always ask them their race.  I've never had anyone get upset, which in itself is something amazing since some clients get upset when you ask them what day it is.  Some people are mildly amused when I ask them their race, but very often people like to talk about their heritage.  If they say "My great great uncle on my sister's side was 1/5 Japanese and Grandma was born and raised in Ireland, so I usually just say, American Eskimo."  I'll write down American Eskimo.

So here's what I propose we do.  Be creative with your race the next time you have to fill in a form.  Answer brown or green or yes or Formula One or Rat. These answers make at least as much sense at the questions.

What is your race?

Will someone explain to me why the state requires us to collect information about race when it is illegal to do anything differently according to race. We say African American, Black, White, Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, Latino, Native American, American Indian, as if that actually means something. Young (younger than I) friends in Durham, NC, carry around copies of their application for a marriage license on which the options from which they had to choose included Puerto Rican and Colored. Huh?
I'll ask people about their ethnicity when I have to, and very often end up checking other. No one has ever been offended when I ask, in fact usually they are very happy to explain. A person with dark brown skin might say "Well, my grandfather on my mom's side was half Cherokee and my grandmother came from Ireland. My father is Black, so I guess that makes me. . . " And I'll suggest, "American?"
Or someone with medium brown skin will say, "My dad is Mexican and my mother's mother came from England."
A person with light tan skin might answer, "My great-grandparents came from Germany and my other great, great grandparents came from Scotland."
Or they might take my question from a different angle and state, "I was raised in the inner city;"
or "I'm an orthodox Jew;" or "I grew up in a series of foster homes."
These last examples might actually tell me something useful about them, but there isn't a box for me to check for those.
One of the coolest things about America is our blended ethnicity. We can get any kind of food and wear any kind of dress and listen to any kind of music we like because we are in America and it's all handy.
But how is race determined? How many races of humans are there? How can I tell if you are Black or White? Sure, I can look at your skin and eye color, the color and texture of your hair, the shape of your nose and I could make a guess about what continent your ancestors came here from. Is that race? That could be some quirk of genes. Perhaps your father has red hair, green eyes and freckles. Are you still Black? What about a dark brown skinned person who was born in Haiti? Is that person African American? Is Oback Barama Black? Is Tiger Woods Black? Does it matter? If I call Tiger Woods Asian is he going to play golf differently?
I think Hitler decided that if someone had one great grandparent who was Jewish, that person counted as a Jew. But if it was only one great-great grandparent, then you weren't Jewish. How they determined Jewishness is not clear. I've read that most of the Jews from Germany who were killed and/or tortured during Hitler's rule considered themselves German.
How long must my ancestors live in a certain part of the world before I'm considered the race associated with that area? If we go way, way, way back, I reckon we all evolved from people around the same one (or possibly) two parts of the planet. Doesn't that mean we're all the same race?
We are mutts. And that's a good thing. Pure breeds tend to have genetic weaknesses. Mutts tend to get the strengths from all donors.
When I am asked to check a box declaring race for myself, I tend to be creative. If they want me to describe the way I look (never happened) I guess I'd have to call my skin pale to see-through. I've never had a tan, but I can burn really well.
When my son (also very pale to see-through) was a toddler, a priest from Tanzania was visiting our house. The priest was intrigued with Patrick's toys and they'd been crawling around the floor playing with trucks and blocks for quite a while when Patrick rubbed the man's arm and said, "Fodder, you're green." My daughter, much more worldly at 22 months older, explained that Patrick was just learning his colors and told him that Father wasn't green, he was really dark brown. Then she went on to say that she and her daddy were light brown and Patrick and Mommy were light tan.
The priest said, "Well, I've been called lots of things but never green."
I'm not trying to get a sing along of Ebony and Ivory going here. I just can't figure why we need to keep categorizing people according to race. Especially when no one has yet given me a good, working definition. There are so many better ways to categorize people.
Maybe we should have people check if they are grouchy, silly, loving, happy, angry, hungry or tired. Those things might be important.