Thursday, February 24, 2011
All Outta Proportion
I work in a situation that is often dangerous. I work with murderers, rapists, thieves, liars and sociopaths. . . . and then there are my patients. So you'd think that nothing much could rattle the clinic as a whole, wouldn't you? But you'd be wrong.
Today a patient spotted a little lizard in my office. It was a shy, cute little thing. When I was alone I gave it a little saucer of water and some goldfish food because I was fresh out of lizard food. I named my new friend Jarrod after a guy who used to work down the hall and played a mean air guitar.
But word got out and #2 boss freaked out. I was afraid she'd scare Jarrod, so I closed my office door in her face. Maintenance was called to dispose of Jarrod. I stood fast. Then #1 HR person arrived and Jarrod was ordered out. I gave him a ride in a coffee cup and he was relocated to a tree outside the back door.
Let me just restate some things for you. My life and the lives of the people with whom I work have been threatened. I've been assaulted at work. People to whom human life is worth less than their next high are constantly in the building along with people who believe the CIA is ordering them to kill all people who have on red shirts. People have tried to kill themselves in my office. These things are no big deal.
But God forbid there is a 4 inch lizard in my office. It's unsafe. It might have germs. I just don't get it.
Of course, I'm happy for Jarrod. I'm sure he's happy in the tree. Either that or he's been eaten by a crow. Either way, I'm sort of jealous