Thursday, February 24, 2011

All Outta Proportion

I work in a situation that is often dangerous.  I work with murderers, rapists, thieves, liars and sociopaths. . . . and then there are my patients.  So you'd think that nothing much could rattle the clinic as a whole, wouldn't you?  But you'd be wrong.

Today a patient spotted a little lizard in my office.  It was a shy, cute little thing.  When I was alone I gave it a little saucer of water and some goldfish food because I was fresh out of lizard food.  I named my new friend Jarrod after a guy who used to work down the hall and played a mean air guitar.

But word got out and #2 boss freaked out.  I was afraid she'd scare Jarrod, so I closed my office door in her face.  Maintenance was called to dispose of Jarrod.  I stood fast.  Then #1 HR person arrived and Jarrod was ordered out.  I gave him a ride in a coffee cup and he was relocated to a tree outside the back door. 

Let me just restate some things for you.  My life and the lives of the people with whom I work have been threatened.  I've been assaulted at work.  People to whom human life is worth less than their next high are constantly in the building along with people who believe the CIA is ordering them to kill all people who have on red shirts. People have tried to kill themselves in my office.  These things are no big deal. 

But God forbid there is a 4 inch lizard in my office.  It's unsafe.  It might have germs.  I just don't get it.

Of course, I'm happy for Jarrod.  I'm sure he's happy in the tree.  Either that or he's been eaten by a crow.  Either way, I'm sort of jealous


  1. Much better for Jarrod to be away from Boss #2 and #1 HR Person. They are not the kind of people with whom he should associate. Perhaps you could go out to the tree and have lunch with him some day. He's very cute, and probably not psychotic.
    -- K

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

  2. A lizard in your office - O.K.!!! A squirrel in your office - I'd be changing jobs!!! nan

  3. Forget the lizard, I'd like to hear more about your work. You must care deeply to put yourself in the line of fire every day.

    In the late 80s we lived in Key West, and it was common to have lizards inside the house, crawling the walls, etc. (Not millions, but three or four a day weren't uncommon.) At first it freaked me out, but then I realized they didn't bother anything AND there were no bugs or spiders indoors! Those lizards turned out to be cool little guys. :)

  4. Oh maaaannn... hearing about your work and kind your with, almost gave the shivers!! And I thought it only happened on TV.. :(
    Hats off to you, my friend!!

    Now, about the lizard.. Personally, I wouldn't go and call myself a reptile fan.. but seriously, some people are just tough to understand (by that, I mean your colleagues :)) .. They can deal with the roughest and meanest of people, but cannot stand a simple harmless little tailed thing... Aahh... human psyche is such a marvel!! :)