I am overwhelmed. I have started too many things that I can't finish right now. My attic is full of shoulds.
I should do so many things. I should change the baking soda in my refrigerator monthly. I should exercise more. I should drink less wine. I should get up earlier and spend more time reading. I should caulk my windows, till my future garden plot, dust, drink more water, and spend more time in meditation. I should tip better, save more and check the air pressure in my tires more often. I should write every day, call my mother more often and paint the cabinets in the kitchen.
I should lighten up and clear out that attic.
What good is a should? Does it make me a better person? It seems that only a did or a does improves my life. Should doesn't do anything but produce guilt. And guilt is worthless. Worse than worthless.
So I have a big should dumpster and I'm dumping all those shoulds right now. I choose instead to look at the things I do that are pretty cool. I'm cutting myself some slack and I'll either do or I won't but I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I'm busy. I don't have time for guilt.
I do have time to feel good, however, and that is a priority.
If it bothers you that my windows are streaky or that the baking soda in my refrigerator is over a month old, please feel free to do something about it. If it worries you that I'm behind schedule on a writing project or that my garden isn't tilled, perhaps you should get a life. That's what I'm doing. And let me just say. . . .
WHOO HOOOO.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
The Fire of Gratitude.
When my brother was on my roof on Thanksgiving (well that's another story) he told me that my chimney was "permanently" capped. This, he said, explained why the flu is screwed shut. I'm assuming that it worked at one time. The house is 35 years old. It seems to be a wood burning fireplace, but it's locked up.
What I want to know is, why would someone do that? It just aggravates me. Can a fireplace break? Whom does one call to fix a fireplace?
It was 19 degrees this morning and predicted to get down in the teens again tonight. It's very rare in South Carolina. Rarer even than a working fireplace. It would be so nice to have a nice cozy fire tonight. And I have a fireplace. It's just that someone locked it up!
Obviously, I don't know beans about fireplaces and will welcome input. But have you noticed that you only miss a fireplace when it's cold out? Until this very minute, I hadn't thought about central air conditioning all day.
I'm grateful that I have a warm home when it's cold and a cool home when it's hot. What percentage of people on this planet can count on that, I wonder. And when I'm hungry or having a jones for something salty or something sweet, I only have to walk to my kitchen - at the very most I drive to the grocery. I have clothing enough for any likely temperature and when it is no longer fresh, I put it into my washing machine.
Am I spoiled or what? I even have a brother who'll climb on my roof to clean gutters for me when he visits. What sort of a fool am I to complain about a capped chimney? Please help me stay in the place of gratitude this year. It keeps me warm.
What I want to know is, why would someone do that? It just aggravates me. Can a fireplace break? Whom does one call to fix a fireplace?
It was 19 degrees this morning and predicted to get down in the teens again tonight. It's very rare in South Carolina. Rarer even than a working fireplace. It would be so nice to have a nice cozy fire tonight. And I have a fireplace. It's just that someone locked it up!
Obviously, I don't know beans about fireplaces and will welcome input. But have you noticed that you only miss a fireplace when it's cold out? Until this very minute, I hadn't thought about central air conditioning all day.
I'm grateful that I have a warm home when it's cold and a cool home when it's hot. What percentage of people on this planet can count on that, I wonder. And when I'm hungry or having a jones for something salty or something sweet, I only have to walk to my kitchen - at the very most I drive to the grocery. I have clothing enough for any likely temperature and when it is no longer fresh, I put it into my washing machine.
Am I spoiled or what? I even have a brother who'll climb on my roof to clean gutters for me when he visits. What sort of a fool am I to complain about a capped chimney? Please help me stay in the place of gratitude this year. It keeps me warm.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Happy New Moment
I'd like to wish you all a Happy New Year. But all we have is this moment right here. So let me instead wish you a totally groovy new moment.
(Please re-read at will)
(Please re-read at will)
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Torn Between the Things That I Should Do
I went to work yesterday feeling less than energetic - a little nauseated and a weird ache in my neck, but I knew it was going to be really busy. You know how it is between the holidays. Lots of people take vacation days and there is a skeleton staff left to handle things.
This morning I felt the way I did yesterday squared. I thought about the five clients I had scheduled after the morning meeting, and I thought about my co-workers who would have to handle any emergencies that came up without any help from me.
I took my temperature. One tiny little degree over normal. That's not really a fever, is it?
I really dislike it when anyone comes to my office with bugs. Bugs like me and I don't fight back very well. This is something about me that I don't really like. I very much dislike feeling puny. I imagine that people think I'm weak. sometimes I think that about me, too.
Actually, it's just my immune system and some of my muscles that are weak. I've learned that the best and fastest way for me to get over an illness is to sleep it off and I've learned that little bugs can turn into big bug-a-boos if I ignore them. Knowing that about my body is a strength.
That's right, huh? (Now's when you jump in and reassure me.)
So the internal debate continues even after I've called in. Did I do the right thing? Could I have done right by my clients and co-workers if I had gone in or would I have shared germs, worn myself down and given them far less than their money's worth?
Well, one thing is certain. All this arguing with myself has given me a headache.
This morning I felt the way I did yesterday squared. I thought about the five clients I had scheduled after the morning meeting, and I thought about my co-workers who would have to handle any emergencies that came up without any help from me.
I took my temperature. One tiny little degree over normal. That's not really a fever, is it?
I really dislike it when anyone comes to my office with bugs. Bugs like me and I don't fight back very well. This is something about me that I don't really like. I very much dislike feeling puny. I imagine that people think I'm weak. sometimes I think that about me, too.
Actually, it's just my immune system and some of my muscles that are weak. I've learned that the best and fastest way for me to get over an illness is to sleep it off and I've learned that little bugs can turn into big bug-a-boos if I ignore them. Knowing that about my body is a strength.
That's right, huh? (Now's when you jump in and reassure me.)
So the internal debate continues even after I've called in. Did I do the right thing? Could I have done right by my clients and co-workers if I had gone in or would I have shared germs, worn myself down and given them far less than their money's worth?
Well, one thing is certain. All this arguing with myself has given me a headache.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Acorn Dreams
I had what my sister and I call a real dream last night. According to us Campbell girls, a real dream is one that strikes us as significant. It's not necessarily realistic in content, but it has a real feel to it. I've not done a very good job of describing it, I'm afraid. But like pornography, you'll know it when you see it.
Anyway, I dreamed I was finishing up a job. I had moved into a small room for my job and I'd brought far too much stuff. The room, my office I guess, was the bathroom in the house in which I grew up. It had a cabinet above the toidy and I had it stuff with beach towels, gloves and hats - things I really didn't need in the Southern location of my job. I was purging all the things I didn't need.
I was also fixin' to leave the job, but in the meantime, I met with the big boss. I told him my vision for creating a display (we had a small space in a museum nearby) that encouraged people to think about using corn and beans as building materials. I told him this was a good idea because we were in the middle of the corn and bean fields (so we must have been in the Midwest with Southern weather) and it was good to find additional uses for the crops.
As soon as I told him this idea, I realized that it was actually a bad idea because we really needed to use those crops as food. Then I changed my vision to include finding a way to easily harvest and convert acorns to eatable food. I told the big boss what a good source of protein acorns are and that you just have to get rid of some of the tannins to make them more palatable.
Then I was trying to tell my friend, Edie, where I was going to go to college the next fall. I told her the name of the college (I can't remember it now) and she looked it up and said it was on the dark side of Atlanta. This meant that it was on the far side of Atlanta from where we were. I didn't really want to go to the other side of those mountains, so I told her I changed my mind. Then I told her I wanted to go to Western (Illinois University) and study biology so that I could figure out how to use acorns as food and their shells as building materials.
The acorns in my dream were about 3 inches across and had hard shells. And I was hurriedly filling one large paper bag and one small paper bag with them on my way to a science building on campus. There was no doubt in my mind that I would accomplish my task. I planned to begin my education with my dissertation research, in case I ran out of time, the important part would be done.
Throughout the dream there was an interesting element of time. I was going back to college as a college-aged person, but with the wisdom I have now (well, isn't that everyone's dream) but I knew I wouldn't have enough time to get everything done I wanted to accomplish. It was as if I had to accomplish things quickly in order for them to be used well.
Sometimes writing about my dreams helps me understand the meaning of them. Sometimes not.
Will someone please do some research into turning acorns into good food on a commercial basis? Then maybe I can get back to dreaming about Eric Clapton or George Clooney.
Anyway, I dreamed I was finishing up a job. I had moved into a small room for my job and I'd brought far too much stuff. The room, my office I guess, was the bathroom in the house in which I grew up. It had a cabinet above the toidy and I had it stuff with beach towels, gloves and hats - things I really didn't need in the Southern location of my job. I was purging all the things I didn't need.
I was also fixin' to leave the job, but in the meantime, I met with the big boss. I told him my vision for creating a display (we had a small space in a museum nearby) that encouraged people to think about using corn and beans as building materials. I told him this was a good idea because we were in the middle of the corn and bean fields (so we must have been in the Midwest with Southern weather) and it was good to find additional uses for the crops.
As soon as I told him this idea, I realized that it was actually a bad idea because we really needed to use those crops as food. Then I changed my vision to include finding a way to easily harvest and convert acorns to eatable food. I told the big boss what a good source of protein acorns are and that you just have to get rid of some of the tannins to make them more palatable.
Then I was trying to tell my friend, Edie, where I was going to go to college the next fall. I told her the name of the college (I can't remember it now) and she looked it up and said it was on the dark side of Atlanta. This meant that it was on the far side of Atlanta from where we were. I didn't really want to go to the other side of those mountains, so I told her I changed my mind. Then I told her I wanted to go to Western (Illinois University) and study biology so that I could figure out how to use acorns as food and their shells as building materials.
The acorns in my dream were about 3 inches across and had hard shells. And I was hurriedly filling one large paper bag and one small paper bag with them on my way to a science building on campus. There was no doubt in my mind that I would accomplish my task. I planned to begin my education with my dissertation research, in case I ran out of time, the important part would be done.
Throughout the dream there was an interesting element of time. I was going back to college as a college-aged person, but with the wisdom I have now (well, isn't that everyone's dream) but I knew I wouldn't have enough time to get everything done I wanted to accomplish. It was as if I had to accomplish things quickly in order for them to be used well.
Sometimes writing about my dreams helps me understand the meaning of them. Sometimes not.
Will someone please do some research into turning acorns into good food on a commercial basis? Then maybe I can get back to dreaming about Eric Clapton or George Clooney.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Good Quickies
I'll bet you can think of a gazillion things to do in the coming year that could make the world a better place. Here are 17 quickies to get you started.
1) Look in the mirror and say nice things to yourself. It's tough to be nice to others if you aren't nice to yourself.
2) Use small gasoline operated machines less. Gas lawn mowers, snow-blowers, leaf-blowers, etc. are big polluters of sound and air. Electric or manual grass cutters and rakes are kinder and you can skip a trip to the gym.
3) Share food. Choose a day of the week to eat simply and use the money you save to donate food to a local pantry. If your school or place of work doesn't collect food for a local pantry, perhaps your grocery store does.
4) Recycle everything possible. It's amazing how little actually has to go to a landfill if you reuse, donate, and recycle carefully.
5) Make GoodWill, St. Vinny, or other thrift stores your first choice when shopping. Not only will you save major bucks and support a good cause, but you'll keep stuff out of the "stuff stream."
6) Compost. Your kitchen scraps and garden clippings transform magically into super soil for your flower or veggie garden and keep stuff out of landfills.
7) Grow your own. You can grow some of your own food, even if you only have a little patio and a flower pot. How fun is that! It is good for your soul as well as your body.
8) Don't panic, go organic. Ok, so I didn't make up that phrase. But every chemical you keep out of your body is one that won't make you sick.
9) Smile. It's healthy to smile. It might be catching. At the very least it will piss off people who are trying to bring you down.
10) Remain grateful for every breath you take and remember that right now, in this very second, you have everything you need.
11) Practice acts of random reckless kindness. Hold a door for someone, let someone into traffic, put a quarter in a stranger's meter, hold your tongue, give sincere compliments, feed the birds, pick up litter, forgive with abandon.
12) Use Earth-friendly cleaning supplies. Vinegar, borax, baking soda, and lemon oil are wonderful at cleaning most things you have and they are inexpensive to buy. Check out Seventh Generation if you prefer ready made stuff.
13) Check the air pressure in your tires. Proper pressure improves gas mileage.
14) Consider vegetarian Tuesdays. (Or Wednesdays or April, etc.) Healthy for you and the rest of the planet - especially the animal you don't eat.
15) As much as possible, surround yourself with peace. Don't watch violent tv or movies or read violent books or play at killing and maiming.
16) Cry when you feel like it. It's good for your sinuses as well as your heart.
17) Wash your clothes in cold water.
1) Look in the mirror and say nice things to yourself. It's tough to be nice to others if you aren't nice to yourself.
2) Use small gasoline operated machines less. Gas lawn mowers, snow-blowers, leaf-blowers, etc. are big polluters of sound and air. Electric or manual grass cutters and rakes are kinder and you can skip a trip to the gym.
3) Share food. Choose a day of the week to eat simply and use the money you save to donate food to a local pantry. If your school or place of work doesn't collect food for a local pantry, perhaps your grocery store does.
4) Recycle everything possible. It's amazing how little actually has to go to a landfill if you reuse, donate, and recycle carefully.
5) Make GoodWill, St. Vinny, or other thrift stores your first choice when shopping. Not only will you save major bucks and support a good cause, but you'll keep stuff out of the "stuff stream."
6) Compost. Your kitchen scraps and garden clippings transform magically into super soil for your flower or veggie garden and keep stuff out of landfills.
7) Grow your own. You can grow some of your own food, even if you only have a little patio and a flower pot. How fun is that! It is good for your soul as well as your body.
8) Don't panic, go organic. Ok, so I didn't make up that phrase. But every chemical you keep out of your body is one that won't make you sick.
9) Smile. It's healthy to smile. It might be catching. At the very least it will piss off people who are trying to bring you down.
10) Remain grateful for every breath you take and remember that right now, in this very second, you have everything you need.
11) Practice acts of random reckless kindness. Hold a door for someone, let someone into traffic, put a quarter in a stranger's meter, hold your tongue, give sincere compliments, feed the birds, pick up litter, forgive with abandon.
12) Use Earth-friendly cleaning supplies. Vinegar, borax, baking soda, and lemon oil are wonderful at cleaning most things you have and they are inexpensive to buy. Check out Seventh Generation if you prefer ready made stuff.
13) Check the air pressure in your tires. Proper pressure improves gas mileage.
14) Consider vegetarian Tuesdays. (Or Wednesdays or April, etc.) Healthy for you and the rest of the planet - especially the animal you don't eat.
15) As much as possible, surround yourself with peace. Don't watch violent tv or movies or read violent books or play at killing and maiming.
16) Cry when you feel like it. It's good for your sinuses as well as your heart.
17) Wash your clothes in cold water.
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